A day of remembrance...

January 18th... so many emotions attached to this day. Ones of sadness and ones of gladness.

It was 3 years ago, January 18, 2005, that I lost my friend, Holly. I had the privilege of becoming her friend about a year before she passed away and I had the true honor of caring for her during her final months. I figured out today that Holly and I likely spent about 90 days out of 100 together at the end. Heck, that was more time than I spent with my family and she didn't even get pissy with me. I would be tired of me if I spent that much time with myself. lol

Holly was a tv-aholic and she had seen a news report about obesity and a link to cervical cancer. Later that day, as we left her radiation treatment, she told me of this news and asked me to promise her that I would do better, that I would take my health seriously and not let what was happening to her, happen to me. Everything in my body and soul was screaming "NO!" I was too angry to think about myself... my energy was focused on cancer! I did not want to try to do better about anything, how could I? It was all I could do to find the joy in a day and say some naughty thing that would make Holly laugh. At the same time, however, how do you look into the face of a dying friend and deny her? So I crossed every finger, put them behind my back and said, "Yes, I will do better. You will not die in vain, I promise." AH! Why did I throw the "I promise" on there? Now I really AM committed.

By January 18, 2006, I had attended a 3 month bereavement group at the Hospice, had continued monthly meetings on my own with the members of the group, and had been working on pulling my life together. I had turned 39 just three days earlier and realized that time was of the essence. I uncrossed my fingers and got started. I started eating smarter and less. I was sure that I couldn't walk further than around the block cuz I was so out of shape, so I began with one time around. Heaven forbid I should push myself. Before long, I was driving my car in circles through the surrounding streets trying to figure out how far a whole MILE would be! I eventually joined a gym, started shopping at Trader Joe's, signed up for a website to track my food, calories and exercise, and I bought work out clothes! Who had I become??

The journey through 2006 was an adventure in learning and doing. My thinking shifted from weight loss to living my best life. I want to be around as long as I can for my family and self. There are no guarantees in this life, I have no idea what might be my undoing, so living my best life is the goal. Weight loss was the bonus. Slowly but surely and with a tremendous amount of faith and hard work, I took off 65 pounds. Every pound was with thanks to Holly. Had she not made me promise, I would never have done it. I owe her my healthy self, my renewed happiness, strength in character, and my thanks.

I sit here tonight, as January 18th comes to a close, and I am proud to say that I have maintained my weight this year and my eating habits, knowledge and dedication are in tact. The challenges that defined 2007 did not define my thinking or how I coped. I decided how to manage the stress and pressure of last year and I did one helluva job. I now look forward to walking 3 miles, I seek out hills and inclines, I hike the canyon and even have an annual parking pass, I have taken up batting at the cages, I can go an hour on the elliptical, I take an hour step class and I love to cook healthy meals! You really outta try my crock pot chicken vegetable soup. I am back on my game; eating well, exercising, getting sleep, and feeding my spirit. My only wish is that I could thank Holly face to face. I know she is watching all of this and I hope that I have made her proud, but I wish she were here to celebrate each day with me.


Snack bar at the ballpark that was renamed for Holly

Thank you, my friend. Thank you for being my wake up call, for believing in me when I didn't, for making me promise to live out the life you were cheated of. I honor you every day that I am alive and will never forget you. Your children will always know that I am here for them and I eagerly await the day that they can return to visit me. I will be forever indebted to you for choosing me to care for you. Our time together was without a doubt one of the biggest blessings of my life. I was forever changed by our time together and as hard as it was, I would do it all again. I love you and miss you. See you again next year at the ballpark when we 'have lunch' together. xoxox, me